When my kids were small, between them they managed to build up an impressive collection of 'ways to embarrass mum'. From the errant finger up one's nose during parents evening, to the loud accusations aimed at unsuspecting individuals in the supermarket checkout queue (yes, that really did happen), they were experts.
Now the proud owner of two tweens and one teen, the tables are turning in many areas of our lives (their social life is better than mine for starters) and I think it might be time to divulge my tried and tested list of 'ways to embarrass my children'. Yes, it's payback time folks!
1. 'Like' their photo on Instagram. Simple but very effective.
2. Find a really old photo, pop a cutesy status underneath and tag them on Facebook.
3. Invite their new secondary school friends round for tea (preferably ones you have never met before) and burst into song just as you're dishing up.
4. Volunteer to help out on a school trip. This one only really works on children in Year 6 and above.
5. Insist on holding their hand to cross the road. Works a treat if you're in a busy town.
6. On their first secondary school residential, take all their siblings along and wave them off with an unnecessary level of enthusiasm. Squeezing out a tear at this point also works a treat.
7. Plant a smacker on your son's face and throw out an 'I love you' as you say goodbye to him at the school gates. The more cool mates in the vicinity, the better.
8. When out on a family bike ride, fall off the bike and watch your offspring scatter quicker than you can say 'bomb scare'. Bursting into tears adds an extra something.
9. Arrive at the school disco 10 minutes earlier than arranged and walk in to let them know you are 'ready when they are'.
10. Take them to a pantomime and join in (very loudly) with every "he's behind youuuuuu" that you can.
11. When the cast of said pantomime ask for a 'volunteer from the audience' make sure that your hand is up first. Even if not picked, the mere thought of it will be enough.
12. Sit next your child on a roller coaster and scream louder than all the other riders put together.
And the icing on the cake?
13. Start a blog and tell loads of really embarrassing stories about them!
I am currently working on a few others involving some impressive dance moves, dropping in text speak during conversation and wearing clothes that are clearly not meant for my generation....will keep you posted!
Have you got any successful methods of embarrassment that I could add to my repertoire?
I would love to hear them *evil laughter*.