Three years in the making

Three years ago, some dear friends and I opened a joint bank account.  We each agreed to deposit just £15 a month into this account, with the view of celebrating our 40th birthdays together.  At the time, we didn't know where we would go or what we would do, but having supported one another through some really tough times over recent years, we were glad to have something to focus on and were looking forward to some quality time together.

We had endless conversations about the destination....do we want the hussle and bustle of a city, the tranquility of the countryside, nightlife or peace and quiet?  Of course shopping was an absoloute certainty!  To be honest, the many discussions we had over the destination were probably all part of the fun of it, we finally came to a decision earlier this year and went ahead and booked our 4-day break.

I had never visited Italy before, but it had always been a country on my 'must-visit' list.  When you think of Italian cities, you truly are spoilt for choice....Florence, Rome, Venice, where do you start?  For many reasons, we finally plumped for Verona and wow, what an excellent choice we made!

Verona just oozes everything that represents Italy.....romance, sophistication, architecture, history and beautiful people.  We were staying in THE most amazing hotel, for which I cannot take the credit, as Claire (our seasoned traveller) came across it when surfing the net one day.  We were placed right in the heart of Verona (the nice bit!), within the walls of Shakespeare's Juliet balcony. How lucky were we?!  During the daytime, this area is teaming with tourists but as the clock strikes 7, the gates are closed and this little courtyard, including the famous balcony, is open to residents only.  We literally felt like royalty!

It's hard to describe how amazing our weekend really was and to do Verona justice in one blog post is nigh on impossible! Here are a few words that best capture the spirit:  late mornings, leisurely breakfasts, segway tour, long lunches, ice-cream, undisturbed sleep, window shopping (some purchasing!), prosecco tasting, busy streets, breath-taking architecture, history, sunshine, endless chattering and a LOT of laughter!

I bored my poor OH with over 100 of these photos on my return. A lot of them signified a 'had to be there' moment and funnily enough, he didn't fully appreciate those particular photos...I have tried to spare your sanity by only picking out the creme de la creme:

Our beatiful bedroom

The beautiful breakfast - table laid for us every morning.

Segway tour of the city - excellent way to tour - saves on the legs!

View from the Tower overlooking the city

A very special celebratory meal

Beautiful buildings

Verona market

The statue of Giulietta

The Arena

The thing I am most thankful for out of this whole weekend, was spending time with my buddies.  I have been great friends with one of the girls since the age of 9, the other two I have known since we were 16.  We've been through a lot of life together, some very sad times and some incredibly joyful times.  What a privilege it was to share quality time together, doing something fun and making memories that will most certainly last a lifetime.  As we left, we agreed to continue putting money into our savings pot, with a view to making this a tradition - so where shall we go for our 50ths girls?!

I am linking this post up with mummy from the heart's weekly linky R2BC, click on the link below to read more Reasons to be Cheerful.

An Exciting Delivery

Today something landed on my doormat which I have been expectantly waiting for, for about 9 months.  No, it wasn't a baby and yes, I do realise that they are not delivered via the stork.

Over the last few years I have started to experiment with writing. For a long time I just wrote privately, not feeling quite brave enough to share my thoughts and feelings with the world by putting myself  'out there'. A series of events (which I won't bore you with now) brought me along to a writing group being run by our church for people of all ages and varying degrees of writing experience.  This gave me a new-found confidence, enough to pluck up the courage to enroll on an online course in freelance journalism.  The course was run by the British College of Journalism and I was fortunate enough to be tutored by a very experienced journalist, Judy Yorke.  I absoloutely loved the course, the opportunity to use my brain cells a little, a creative outlet and a real challenge to try something I wasn't sure I would be good at.

Back to this morning's arrival.....onto the doormat landed this quarter's Juno Magazine.  Ordinarily I wouldn't get quite so excited about reading a magazine. I do relish a couple of hours of peace and quiet whilst devouring my  RED magazine, but wouldn't exactly say I jump up and down with glee when it arrives. In this particular edition of Juno however, there was an article written by me. Yes, my first ever published article!  I had submitted this piece at the end of last summer but as it relates to my feelings over DD1 leaving Primary School and embarking on the whole scary world of Secondary education, it seemed to suit the summer edition better.  So I knew it was coming, but not entirely sure when.

Unfortunately I am not allowed to put a copy of the article on my blog just yet, but if you're keen to have a read, go and buy it!   I know it takes a long time to get going as a journalist and one published article isn't exactly a flourishing career, but it's a start and I'm certainly going to have a go at making a success of it. I might even get paid for the next job ;)

Learning the art of : Listening

After a fairly disastrous attempt at bringing up our off-spring the previous week, we turned up at our parenting course last Tuesday with renewed vigour and a hunger for fresh tips.  Week 4 focused on how to listen to our children.  In general, OH is a better listener than I am.  He seems to magnetise the one person at the party who is looking for someone to just listen to their problems, my friends seek him out as a man who is prepared to listen and he certainly makes a good impression of listening to my ramblings. Remarkably he manages to do this whilst scrolling down his iphone. Having never met a man who can succesfully do two things at once, I remain sceptical!  My natural instinct is to talk.  I like to listen to others but I like to talk even more.....so much to say and so little time!  Although I thought we were both good and willing listeners of our children, I now realise that we have a lot to learn...

The first thing to acknowledge is that our children have feelings that deserve to be given time and recognition. Gone are the days of 'children should be seen and not heard'. We were asked to think about our natural reaction when one of our children begins to tell us an upsetting event from their day or some sort of trouble they have got into. Have a think about it, do any of these ring a bell? Lecturing, criticising, offering advice, cross-questioning. I have most definitely fallen into all of these traps at one time or another but the one most instinctive to me is offering advice in order to fix it. I don't think the motive is wrong but it isn't actually listening as such and may even stop the flow of sharing that as parents, we so eagerly desire. Rather than comforting and instinctively telling them to stop crying, we should be encouraging the tears and just hug them whilst listening.  It has apparently been proved that crying has healing properties, even us mummies know how releasing it feels to have a good hearty cry at times! So, how do we actually go about being a better listener?

1. Be more available. If we are always busy and absorbed in other things, we may miss golden opportunities to hear our children really talk. Set aside special times when all other distractions are put aside.

2. Decide to be interested. This is hard when so often our children ramble on about something we find utterly boring! However it really can build confidence if we just take the time to show interest.

3. Listen with your whole self. Not giving the right signals can make our child think we are not listening. Get down to their level, make eye contact etc

4. Avoid butting in. Don't keep bringing in anecdotes from your life or ask continual questions. A simple "hmmm" or "I see" is enough to show empathy.

5. Reflect back. In order to show a level of understanding, it's helpful to put the child's feelings into words eg "you must have felt upset/cross/embarrassed" or when he/she is losing it with you: "I can see you are angry with me" all said in a calm voice (one to work on!)

6. Be aware of feelings. Children often hide their true feelings behind words eg "I hate school" might actually mean " I am bored, useless or lonely". "I can't sleep" may really mean "I am anxious/feel upset/tense".

I am sure you will agree that these all sound like great tips but it's important to ensure we use them at appropriate times. Sometimes children are merely attention seeking eg tale telling, constant whining and moaning etc.  This probably wouldn't be the best time to experiment with 'Active Listening'!  In fact, it would probably do more harm than good.

I have been faced with many opportunites over the past week to practice these steps, sometimes I have remembered what we learnt on the session and at other times I have slipped back into my usual habit of either not properly listening as I am distracted (blogging springs to mind!) or trying to come up with a solution.  On the occasions when I have remembered, although feeling a little unnatural to start with, the results have been worth the effort.  Special time spent with DD2 at bedtime, listening to DD1 chat through her day at school whilst driving in the car and CHOOSING to show interest in DS1's latest fascination with paper aeroplane modelling! 

I personally think that 'Active Listening' is probably not achievable 100% of the time but I do believe that devoting certain times in the day, when all other distractions are put to one side, is essential.  Our lives are stressful with many demands on our attention but sometimes, we really need to put our children above anything else. We were even encouraged to set aside 10-15 minutes each day to practice really LISTENING to our spouse....I'll let you know how that one goes!

R2BC I can see clearly now the rain has gone....

Remember that song?  Apparently it was a hit in the 1970s by Johnny Nash, obviously we're all far too young to remember that *cough*.  Isn't it funny how a little bit of sunshine can brighten your day in so many ways?  When it's been raining for what feels like weeks on end, it's so easy to let our mood be dictated by the weather.  Imagine how poor Noah must have felt at the end of forty days!

So the sun has been shining for most of the week here in Berkshire, the skies are blue, the air is warm and to see the washing on the line again is a throroughly cheery site (the fact I managed to get it on the line instead of hurriedly shoving it in the tumble drier is a miracle in itself!)  I could easily finish this week's R2BC (Reasons to Be Cheerful) post right now, the first sign of a British summer would be enough for me....but there's more, so sit tight!

I have decided to start all the things I am thankful for this week, with a 'P', don't know why, it just looked neater on the page......

Pampering - I am not normally one for splashing out on making myself look beautiful....don't have the time or the inclination.  However this week, with the mark of summer and an impending girls weekend in the offing, I booked myself in for a deluxe pedicure.  Another bonus was that it cost me nothing! I had won a voucher for this little treat at our kids' school quiz night a few weeks ago.  Before you start imagining me to be all kinds of clever and inviting me to join your team for the next pub quiz, I actually won it on the raffle.....I never win ANYTHING!  This truly was one of the best 90 minutes I've spent in a long time, spoilt and pampered to the max, lovely. Here is a picture of my pretty feet, trust me they are usually fairly hideous specimens so the lovely Bryony had a tough job!

Progress - DD2 has always found Maths a hard task, it doesn't come naturally and has therefore been a long battle. We have had tears and tantrums over homework, frustration from us parents and all without much sign of progress. This term however, something seems to have clicked.  Hurrah! In her test this week she had gone up not 1, but 2 levels, something I honestly never thought I would see before the end of primary school.  This has spurred her on and given her confidence a much-needed boost.  I am very thankful for her long-suffering teacher who has spent 2 years building her up and spotted that it was simply a matter of confidence.  It's so easy to be negative about our children's teachers and pick on their shortcomings but it's a difficult job and I am aware us parents are very hard to please a lot of the time. So Mrs B, you're doing a fab job!

Pristine - Sometimes in our everyday lives, it's the little things that bring a cheer to our hearts.  This one may seem totally mundane and insignificant to you, but to me it makes SUCH a difference!  As I have said before in many a post, I like neat and tidy and get quite stressed when things are all over the place.  I begin to feel out of control.  For me, a chaotic house equals a chaotic mind and I'm not particularly nice to live with.  We have been doing a lot of DIY recently and the house has been in a mess.  A few weeks ago, I hired a cleaner. I love her!  She keeps me sane.  On returning home from work this week, I was greeted by a sparkling kitchen floor and a fragrant lav (anyone with a boy in the house will know that this is difficult to maintain!).  At last, all was well with the world....my little world anyway!  I am thankful that right now we can afford a cleaner, which I know is a luxury.  She frees me up to spend my time doing things that make me happy - helping out on various things at church, attending my weekly book group, exercising and err....blogging!  Oh yes, and I nearly forgot, I do actually work from time to time!

So that's it for my week.  Pop on over to Michelle @mummyfromtheheart to read all the other lovely bloggers' R2BCs for this week.  I wonder how many of them will feature sunshine!

Learning the art of : Encouragement

For those of you who are new to my blog, OH and I are on Week 3 of a parenting course run by Family Caring Trust (David Cameron would be proud!). This week we looked at how easy it is to discourage our children.  The list went something like this:

1. Trying to improve our children by focusing on mistakes - criticizing, nagging, threatening and shaming them


2. Making too many decisions for them - makes them feel they are not capable of doing it alone


3. Having standards that are too high


4. Comparing one child to another, or maybe even a peer

I felt thoroughly chastened when reading through the list.  In my head I know that these things are not going to build my children up but somehow the discouraging comments seem to trip off the tongue too easily:

"your bedroom is in a disgusting state, you have become so untidy lately, what's got into you?"  

Ashamedly, I was found uttering these words to DD1 last week and that was after this session on encouragment, I clearly have a lot to learn!

So how do we correct misbehaviour without falling into the trap of criticizing, nagging, threatening and shaming? Last week, I was moaning to a friend about the state of DD1's bedroom and that being a neat-freak, I find this so hard to ignore. She went on to say that her own Mother used to walk into her brother's room and say : 

"You're doing a fantastic job of keeping your ceiling tidy, well done!"  

Finding something positive to say isn't always easy, this mother was obviously digging deep!  In short, we need to try to ignore the negative and pick up on the positive.  How easy it is to see what our children are doing badly than what they are doing well!  If we do need to correct some form of bad behaviour then apparently we should try to focus on the act, rather than the child.  Thankfully this will be addressed later in the course.  

So, how do we effectively encourage our child?  OH and I thought we were doing pretty well on the encouragement front  "good girl, you've got a great score in your Maths test this week" Wrong! Apparently this is a form of 'praise' rather than 'encouragement' and may teach the child to over-depend on our approval rather than building up his/her own confidence or self-assurance.  Encouragement on the other other hand, is far more effective and this is how to do it:

1. Point out the good effects of the child's action rather than giving gushing praise eg "thanks for taking the baby - it's really helped me out"
2. Show confidence in the child's own ability eg "all that revision paid off, you obviously know your stuff"
3. Notice improvement and effort eg "well done, you're room is a lot tidier"
4. Look out for any signs of helpful or thoughtful behaviour and thank them.
5. Speak calmly and positively even when giving correction (now that's a hard one!)
6. Be affectionate and loving, not just physically but being available when they need you.

It seems easy, doesn't it?  The number of times I have heard myself say "good boy" and then quickly changed it to: "Thank you for helping me to unload the shopping, it saved me so much time"!  I think we fall into habits regarding what we do and say.  Although our habits are not bad as such, they are perhaps not the best.

This week I have found myself slipping on some of the previous lessons covered on this course, particularly 'not taking the bait'.  When we're busy and stressed, it's so easy to forget what we should be doing and fall back into our old habits.  Sunday morning was a particularly interesting scenario....OH and I decided to squeeze far more in than is humanly possible, by going to Wickes and Homebase on the way to Church. Now any sane human being would know that this trip would not be a success.  Even before leaving the house (late), we had both shouted at the children, hollered at the dog in true Fenton style (remember that You Tube clip?!), who was scurrying into the neighbours drive at top-speed and when we finally did arrive at church (in 2 cars as we couldn't fit all items in one!), we were late and somewhat frazzled....not the best start to Sunday morning worship! 

On the positive side, we have made vast improvements  on teaching them to be more responsible -  dinner is being cooked regularly by all 3 children and their own lunchboxes are being made every day.  DD2 went to the shop by herself last week....progress is indeed being made!

This week hasn't been our finest hour in terms of parenting. We have been doing a lot of DIY, hence the trip to Homebase and Wickes, which has resulted in snappiness (from the adults!), lack of quality time being spent with the children and a distinct absence of encouraging words.  It's easy to beat ourselves up over mistakes but like most things, parenting is a journey and although it's not always a smooth ride, I guess we all arrive at the destination eventually.  Thankfully our children are pretty forgiving and we all had a good old laugh about the 'Fenton' episode later that evening!

Silent Sunday

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Social Networking : a gift or a curse?

I am currently watching 8 out of 10 cats....obviously not 100% concentrating as I am also blogging (mummies are great at multi-tasking so that's ok!). Sean Lock and Jon Richardson are poking fun of people whose main interaction with friends is via social networking: "If you're talking to someone on-line then they are not a friend, right?".

I have been a fan of Facebook for about 2 years now and I can understand both the pros and the cons, but for me, the positive side wins over. Twitter? Now that is a whole new world and one that I have only just dipped into. It is beginning to grow on me. As a new blogger, I have discovered an extension of the whole social networking party and something else to kind of suck me into the virtual friendship game.

I have probably spent the last month in a whirlwind. I have discovered new people (albeit virtual ones!), a new hobby and something to grab my interest/get my brain working again. Being someone who is most definitely an 'all or nothing' person, I am totally drawn in. I have probably spent 90% of my waking hours thinking about my next blog and have even dreamt about twitter parties (thanks to dorkymum for that!). I have even had mental conversations signing off with hash tags, I think I may have taken it one step too far!

At the beginning of this week I was feeling a little low. I stood in the playground waiting for DS1 to go into class, watching all the other mums chatting away and I was standing alone. On some days that is fine, who needs constant people around? On this particular day however, I started to wonder if all this social networking/blogging had got the better of me and I had actually forgotten how to communicate with the real world and actual people. Perhaps someone was trying to tell me something?

Later that day I had a coffee morning arranged with some old friends...it got cancelled. I thought about using the time to write my next blog post ( I told you I am an all or nothing person!) but I chose to go to my Zumba class instead. Whilst there I met with an old friend and a relatively new one, we had lunch together afterwards (yes, undoing all the work we had done but at least we had burnt calories first!). We discussed our children's school, laughed about our parenting failures and generally did 'life' together. That same afternoon I went for a sunny dog walk with a relatively new friend, someone who I am getting to know better. I thoroughly enjoyed it, so did the pooch, who made a new friend at the same time which is always a bonus :) We talked about real life issues, our children and the things that make us tick. By the end of the day I was at the top of my lift, I had spent my day well.

Being a new blogger and new 'tweeter', I kind of feel like 'new mum in the playground' the one who is trying to make an impression, trying to be accepted...it's an odd feeling and obviously one I am not used to. On the one hand I am loving the new world I have discovered, it fulfills a lot of my needs and the things I enjoy : interacting with new people, sharing my thoughts and learning new things about others. However I have also discovered that it should by no means REPLACE my actual friendships or begin to impinge on my real life and in particular, my family. This week I have realised how important it is to strike the right balance.

I am so thankful for the people that God has placed in my life and put around me....if you are reading this and are one of the lovely people I have had the pleasure of spending time with this week, you are a gift and I love you very much :)

This post is part of a blog hop, linking up with Michelle at mummyfromtheheart for #R2BC.

Never say 'never'

It has dawned on me recently, that quite by chance I have become something I never set out to be.  We all have plans and goals for our lives and these are usually based around the way we have been brought up, the people who have come across our path or just simply the hopes and dreams that God instills in us at birth....

So what is it I have become? Quite simply, I seem to have become an animal-lover.  I know, you were expecting something a little more profound that that weren't you?!

Bugsy with OH in 1999!

I have never really liked animals.  I am ashamed to admit that as a child, I had a hamster who died due to neglect :(  My Mother felt extremely guilty.  Apparently I did not.  I think she was hoping to impart the 'she will become responsible' thing by leaving me in charge of cleaning him out, but I was clearly a lost cause as far as animals were concerned.

When OH and I first got married, he bought me a cat for my birthday.  Bugsy was an odd creature and I never really got on with him....in fact when DD1 was born, he ran away.  I have to admit to feeling more relieved than sad - the germs were not good around a small baby (you can see why he legged it at the first opportunity!). 

Based on these rather callous attempts at owning a pet, I never ever dreamt that one day I would become a dog-owner.  My parents have never liked dogs and as I said earlier, I believe that our up-bringing has a huge effect on what we become in later life.  Ultimately the decision was mine as we all knew the buck would stop with me when it came to caring for the dog.  The kids knew this.  For months we would have coercion tactics that went something like this:  "We could all go out for long walks together as a family", "I have always wanted a dog", "I promise I will play with him and look after him", "EVERYONE else has got a pet".  That final one was the clincher and I think they began to see me waver, just a little bit (the 'guilt' card always works on me!)

Virginia Water pre-Paddy!

I remember the day that I finally said 'yes'. We had been for a beautiful sunny walk around Virginia Water lake, we were having fun together (such moments are sporadic with 3 children of a certain age!) and every single person we passed seemed to have a dog.  Their families looked complete.





A few months later, Paddy ('it') came into our lives.  Paddy is a Cairn Terrier - if you are not familiar with this breed, think West Highland Terrier but more beige than white.  We chose a Cairn after hours of pouring over books and researching on the internet.  Our reasons were as follows: Cairns don't shed hairs (great for the house-proud!), don't require excessive amounts of walking and are good with children. There was also the small matter that he blended in nicely with the neutral colour scheme in our house!

Ordinarily, I would say that decisions motivated by guilt would not be good ones ('a dog is for life not just for christmas' after all) but this one seems to have paid off.  Don't get me wrong, we have our off days with Paddy -  when he has dug massive holes in the lawn, when we get a phone call from a neighbour who has found him running down the middle of the main road, when he polishes off DD1's birthday cake or the shame he sometimes causes on a walk when jumping up at perfect strangers in the hope that they may have treats!  But on the whole it has been one of the best decisions we have ever made - the kids adore him, they have taught him tricks, dressed him up (!) and generally showered him with unconditional love.   Even I, the non-animal lover, have become quite attached to the fluffy mutt. 

I am someone who likes to play it safe in life. I don't naturally step out to try new things, usually through fear of making a mistake. Sometimes it is worth taking a risk and doing something we didn't plan for in life.  Buying a pet is perhaps a rather shallow example (I did say I'm not one for big risks!) but I can honestly say that our lives have been enriched because of it.

What have you become that you didn't set out to be?  Do you feel your life has been enriched or ruined because of it?

Paddy the Superdog!

Learning the art of: becoming a responsible parent

It's Tuesday and for us that means Parenting Course night.  If you've been following my blog then you will know that OH and I are attending a 9 week course produced by Family Caring Trust. Last week's session was entitled 'becoming a responsible parent' (previous session blog here).  This may sound easy but we have been on a steep learning curve this week....get yourself a cuppa, this is a biggie!

We started the session by discussing the difference between a 'good' parent and a 'responsible' one.  Now I have always aspired to be a 'good' parent but after last week my thoughts on this have shifted.  A so-called 'good' parent is someone who waits on their child, sorts out squabbles, reminds and coaxes them but is actually running the risk of creating children who are over-dependent and lacking in confidence. Really?!

A 'responsible' parent on the other hand, respects their child, encourages them to make their own decisions and thereby live with the consequences.  We had a look at ways in which we could encourage our children to do more for themselves eg  washing, ironing, cleaning room, wiring a plug, walking to the shop, cooking dinner etc.

It didn't take long before I realised that this was going to be a challenge for me on so many levels....apparently a responsible parent is 'firm but not controlling'....eeek!  Why was this going to be so hard? I have certainly had enough of being the only person that seems to be able to find anything in the house, constantly picking up clothes left on the bathroom floor, bullying coaxing them into doing their homework. My reasons are as follows:

1. Time -  I simply do not have the time (actually probably patience would be a better word). We are on a tight schedule most days and within that schedule there is very little room for mistakes or what I would call 'faffing'.

2. Mess - I don't like mess, never have done and probably never will do.  Allowing kids to do things for themselves inevitably involves mess, this isn't in my plan.

3. Fear - Letting my children try things out for themselves will definitely involve some kind of danger....crossing the road by themselves is quite a scary thought and the less said about using a saw, the better!

4. Pride - If I allow my child to choose his/her own clothes, what will others think if they look a little less than perfect?  (this is something I have been tested on a LOT since having DD2!)

5. Confrontation - In the past I have come up against a lot of resistance when asking my kids to do anything which they deem to be "mummy's job".  .

In short, it's easier to do it yourself!

These reasons are not good ones (apparently!) and if we are serious about making progress as a parent, then deciding to 'have a go' is essential.  OH and I made a plan and these are some of the things we managed to achieve over the week:

- All 3 children have made dinner once during this week.   The choice of meal was theirs although we did implement a rule of no 'shove in the oven and wait to cook' dinners .Obviously a little more supervision was needed for some than for others.

- All children have been making their own packed lunch (with a little monitoring!)

- DS1 had a go at drilling, he loved it!

- DD1 attempted a pile of ironing.  I had to re-do some of it but sssh, I kept that bit a secret - we're all learning here!

Training your child to do something new is clearly going to be time-consuming and I know this will be a contintual battle for me but I believe it's one worth conquering.  Another key for me is learning to lower my often over-high standards, a child is NEVER going to come up to my measure of success.

I must admit that at times I felt the stress mount, but I didn't let it get the better of me. I did walk away to take some deep breaths on occasion, but all 3 children have risen to the challenge and in fact, embraced it.  I guess that by creating responsible children we have a lot to gain in the long-run.  My aim is to retire from all duties within the next 2 years and put my feet up.  I think that I'm well on the way!

A Big Week Chez Nous #R2BC

I have been extremely remiss on completing my 'reasons to be cheerful' posts of late. I must admit that by the end of last week, the persistent rain was beginning to get me down and cloud (no pun intended!) all thoughts of R2BC. Us Brits really do get affected by the weather. Sad but true.  Anyway, here I am back again.....
Lots has gone on in our house over this past week, many fun times and memories have been captured on camera.  I shall try to condense it down so as not to bore you rigid and liven it up with some colour!
1. My family came and spent Bank Holiday Monday at our house to celebrate my Mum's birthday (I shan't share how old she was but will just say that she is 1 year short of a certain decade - you can decide for yourselves which one!) We had a great time enjoying a walk in the sunshine....yes, the sun shone and we were actually hot!

2. The following day was DD1's birthday, I shared about that in a previous post so won't go into huge detail.  She and I went to the pet shop after school to choose the  long-awaited hamster.   DD2 and DS1 were at their after-school activity so it was lovely to be just the two of us on her special day.  We then spent a good deal of time constructing a rather complicated cage which had been sent minus the instructions....brilliant!

3.  OH and I aim to spend at least 1 day each year with our individual children. This one day is their chance to get some undivided attention and for us to be reminded of what we love about them.  Sometimes in the busyness of life this is easily drowned out.  With three children, this means committing just 6 Saturdays per year.  It may not sound much but with various holidays, children's activities, DIY and social occasions pressing on our time, this is actually not always easy.  We put the dates in our diaries at the beginning of each year to ensure that they take priority.  Yesterday was my day out with DS1.  He was allowed to choose the
location and I was probably looking forward to it more than him.  He plumped for Hampton Court Palace and we both absoloutely loved it!  Time is precious and it is on days like these that we get to see their personalities shine and we make some lasting memories. So thankful for the sunshine too!

This week was littered with big events for me but I'm still trying to write down the small things that brighten up my week too.  Thanks again to Michelle @ mummyfromtheheart for being my inspiration for these posts. Please click on the link below to look at all the other R2BC this week.  Have a good one folks!

http://www.3childrenandit.blogspot.co.uk

http://www.3childrenandit.blogspot.co.uk

Silent Sunday

My brown-eyed girl

This is my firstborn, E.  Today is her 12th birthday.  Like every mother on the planet, I cannot believe where the 12 years have gone - like lightening it would seem. Despite affectionately referring to her as 'the tween' and some days having more than our fair share of 'thunder', she really is a beautiful girl, inside and out.

E arrived into the world 14 days late.  Those were the longest 14 days I have EVER experienced....waking up each morning and crying (ok, I was hormonal), another day overdue and a step closer to being induced.  Eventually she was born via Emergency C-Section, weighing in at a whopping 8lbs 8ozs. I will spare you the gory details but suffice to say that I have a particularly petite frame and that baby was never gonna come out naturally!



E had those eyes that say 'here I am world, are you ready for me?!'  And she has pretty much lived her life like this ever since.  She is fiercely independent, always has been.....crawling at 5 months, walking at 10 months and she masters pretty much anything she turns her hand to.  She has been blessed with a very determined streak and this I think, will take her far.

When each of my children were born, I started their own personal book.  It's a keepsake, a record  of their achievements and our experiences over the years.  When E was born I was diligent as all first-time mummies are....an entry every week with vast detail covering weight, feeding habits, sleeping and even how many dirty nappies in a day!  As the years passed and 2 subsequent children arrived, the entries have become more infrequent.  I tend to write something in the book every year on their birthday, a little about their achievements, the highs and lows of the year and the things that have made us all smile.



E's year has been mostly characterised by the start of Secondary School.  A milestone in anyone's life but probably a bigger learning curve for me than for her!  She threw herself in with great gusto, that fierce look of determination on her face from day 1.  Not every step has been easy...the battles over homework, the tears over friendships and for me it's been about learning the art of 'letting go'.  E is a private person by nature and prefers to deal with things in her own way, to have a Mum with a touch of the 'control-freak' about her, this isn't always easy!

We are now into the last term of year 7 and I am so proud of the way she has navigated the year so far.  She has grown in confidence whilst stepping out to try new things.  She has made a good circle of friends (so she tells me - as a Secondary School mum you know very little!) and has spoken up for herself if she has deemed it necessary. 

E had two main wishes for her birthday:

1) Do Go Ape (she has been waiting patiently since the age of 10 to reach the required 140 cms!), and this was achieved on the only dry day of the Bank Holiday weekend, Sunday.

2) Have her own hamster.



I am not convinced that we needed another critter to add to our menagerie of pets but I guess it might help towards reaching her ambition of one day becoming a vet.....

Silent Sunday

Saturday is Caption Day

DD2 left Brownies this week, an end of an era for me - been sewing on those bloomin' badges for 6 years now!  Obviously I insisted on taking a couple of shots.  This is a pic of her and her BFF, just begging for a caption!

When you've done that, hop over to Mammasaurus to have a gander at all the other caption shots.

A Mother's Angst

If we haven't already, at some point we will probably all bear witness to one of the most horrible moments a parent could face. When our son or daughter seems to be the only child in the entire class that doesn't receive an invite to 'little Sophie's 5th birthday party'.  Ever been in that situation?  I have and it isn't pleasant. You immediately want to coccoon your offspring in motherly protection and then....go home and have a good cry on their behalf. And when your child whipsers bravely in your ear: "it's ok mummy, I know she can't invite everyone in the class", it just about breaks your heart.

DS1 and I were chatting at bedtime one evening last week.  I was casually asking him about his friends and who he plays with at lunchtime (I don't know why I do this, we all know where its heading!), when he drops the bombshell: "I only really have two friends, the other boys don't want to play with me...."

Wow, a statement like that is like a kick in the gut for me! I might pretend that I'm happy he has just the 2 friends (they seem like perfectly nice kids after all) or that he is making great academic progress - brains is better than popularity isnt it? But deep down, I think we all have high hopes that our child will be the popular kid,  the one that everyone wants to hang out with, the no 1 invitee at every social event.

The picture of my child being the only one in the playground with no mate, sitting on his own on the buddy bench *sniff sniff * was all it took. I spent the next 2 days questioning DS1 ...."so what about J, does he not play with you anymore?"  Or "I thought that F was a good friend of yours" Yes ok, it wouldn't win prizes for the most subtle form of interrogation!  He remained fairly silent in all of this and to be honest, didn't seem to care all that much. I then began to wonder if the quest for my child to have a huge following of friends is actually because that is what drives me.

I am a person who thrives on communicating with others, I love making friends (not just virtual ones!) and I don't particularly enjoy my own company. A flurry of social engagements is what keeps me feeling alive.  OH on the other hand, is someone who just has one or two really good friends and that is all he requires.  He regularly questions why I spread myself so thin and this can sometimes cause ructions in our house, especially when I fill the social calendar with all manner of events that he does not particularly want to attend!

Over the last few days I have concluded 2 things:

1  It's important to avoid placing our own insecurities or anxieties onto our children. Maybe my own self-worth is based too heavily on friendships, on being popular and always having a buddy to hang out with.  Perhaps the worries I have for my children and their friendships, actually stem from this.

2  DS1 is not like me and yes, he is like his father - comfortable in his own skin, happy with his few good friends and not always looking for the next party.  Who am I to say how many friends a child needs? I need to accept him and in fact be thankful....a constant flurry of party invites might suggest my child is popular, but the presents cost a fortune!

For those of you who fall into the worried parent camp and are still thinking of my son with only 2 friends.... he actually answered all my questions in the affirmative, perhaps he was just looking for attention after all!

 

Water, water everywhere #seeitsnapitloveit

They say a picture tells a thousand words.  Well today I am linking up with Lucy at dearbeautifulboy and joining her seeitsnapitloveit linky.  The theme this week is water which we've seen so much of over the last 2 weeks that we're probably sick of  it!

I decided to buck the trend and go for a series of photos that for me depict FUN, SUN and WATER all at the same time.  Hopefully it will remind you that summer is only just around the corner, really it is!  The fact that my 2 girls are managing to have fun together is certainly worth a picture! Obviously these were taken before the hosepipe ban ;-)

READY

STEADY

GO!

Please click on the link below to see all the other beautiful water pictures......