Throwing my toys out the pram

Do you remember that advert where the Mum, utterly exasperated with her kids, throws herself onto the floor in full view of the entire supermarket and has a major toddler tantrum?* How cool was she and how stunned was the child?! Well, having been invited by @mommaofmojo to join in the 'why' meme that has been doing it's rounds amongst the blogging community, I decided it was about time I turned the tables on my family.

For 12 years, I have been subjected to incessant questioning, the majority of which start with 'why'. When my children were toddlers, the questions would be something like this: "why is the sky blue"? Now that we have tweens in the house, the questions tend to be laced with a touch of defiance: "why should I go to bed 30 minutes early? You can't make me!"

So as not to completely humiliate or highlight any one child in particular, I have decided to address them all as one (I imagine that only the OH and possibly my mother, will be able to identify which child I am addressing).

Warning: I am writing this after a particularly bad day!

Dear Offspring,

When I ask you to put away your freshly ironed school uniform, why, instead of hanging it up as requested, do you stuff it behind every available piece of furniture? And what's more...why do you think I won't notice?

Why do you only seem to hear my requests when they are uttered at full volume (and yes, I have already said it 10 times at normal pitch), but when I'm speaking in a hushed voice to one of my friends, you have the remarkable ability to recall said 'private' information and repeat at the most inopportune moment?

Why do you refuse to eat peas? Seriously, what is there not to like about something which tastes of err......nothing?

Whilst we're on the subject of food......Why are you unable to eat courgette under any circumstance, unless we call it marrow and then apparently,  it's "delicious"?

Why do you love to read in bed at night, but if I suggest you might like to read me 5 pages of your school reading book (which is at the request of your teacher, I might add) during the day, you throw a full-on strop, every time, with. out. fail?

Why is it that you behave beautifully for any other adult (that's to your credit, by the way) but as soon as you step over the threshold of home, you turn into a monster?

Why is it ok for you to turn the TV up to 300 decibels (because apparently you can't hear it) when the TV remote is in your possession, but when it's time for bed, the supersonic ears come in to play and it can be heard through floors, walls and firmly shut doors, resulting in your father and I having to lip-read?

Why do you seem unable to ever flush the toilet after use and yes, that applies to ALL of you?!

Your ever-loving Mother x x x

And just so the dog doesn't feel left out......

Dear It,

Why do you cower under the sofa every time I come near you....or does this just coincide with an episode of me shouting at your 3 'partners in crime'?

Why do you choose to do one of those disgusting sloppy poos, the kind that you definitely cannot kick under the hedge, on the one day that I am unable to locate a poo bag?

Why do you refuse to eat your breakfast and tea, but spend the entirety of our meal, displaying puppy dog eyes and whimpering?

Why, oh why, oh why, do you insist on repeatedly barking every time I let you out in the garden? We have already driven off two sets of neighbours, let's not make it a hat trick!

Your ever-loyal Mistress
(Unlike your 3 counterparts, I refuse to kiss you....you're an animal for goodness sake!)

Here endeth the rant. Thank you loyal readers for indulging me.

* Does anyone actually recall what that particular advertisement was for?  I just remember empathising with the mum who was kicking and screaming on the floor!

The rules:

1. Post your whys – as few or as many as you like
2. Tag some bloggers to keep this going
3. If you’re not a blogger, leave your whys as a comment below. We’d love to read them
4. Show your support by reading a few others and commenting on them
5. If you fancy mentioning that I tagged you, then please do :)

So the lovely bloggers that I'm choosing to tag are:

stressy mummy 

allotment mum

a mummy too 

40 year old domestic goddess

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